So there i was.. back in Trivandrum city. Wasn't i waiting for this moment.. yes i was, but when i reached here, the fact that college life is over kind of weakened me.. Anyways i kept quiet, trying hard to enjoy. Yesterday i had to go to pay the electricity bill and the place i had to go was nearby, just a walkable distance. But in this scorching heat.. its impossible to even raise your eyebrows and look out of your house.. My eyes pained and i felt like i was having those protruding eyes that of a chameleon.. rolling inside out! I asked kuttu for an umbrella. Doomed. Both the umbrellas that we had at home were not in a condition to be used. I went out and to the opposite house. Asked them for an umbrella, while they were searching for one, i went inside and looked all over.. trying to find happiness in the memories that were intact in my mind rather than the house which held them. Yes, its after years that i had stepped into that house. I was attached to the house or the people who previously lived there, to be precise. I got the umbrella, and so started my little walk. I walked and walked and walked. Umbrella in one hand, the pink colour purse and the blue colour mobile phone in the other hand. Started to think and then because i was alone and had nobody to talk to, i started talking to myself. It's so enjoyable. You are the one who talks, the one who listens, the one who argues, the one who criticizes - everything is by you. And so very limited by you alone! Anyways i was thinking how i stopped writing for so long... and i wondered how much more lazy i have become. But i also thought that i write all the time.. its not that i don't write at all. Its just that i write in my mind.. sometimes words flow out and i pen it down in my mind.. i dont take the pains to go online and write. So, many times i wrote like that. And this small walk played a catalyst to write later! While walking, I felt a bit odd. People looked at me. Either because 1) i was too good looking 2) Too ugly 3) Dressed differently 4) seemed like a Maali 5) Out of the world??
I don't know but they looked..! I was tired and gave them all this tired "i-am-a-poor-girl-just leave-me-alone" looks! I continued walking, and i thought i loved Trivandrum so much.. Like Trivandrum was my love, my soulmate or something.. but then when i was walking through those familiar streets, i didn't find it familiar anymore..i felt like Trivandrum is alien to me. Or may be now,i have become an alien as far as Trivandrum is concerned. I was sad. I normally enjoy walking alone anywhere in this city but this time i was overwhelmed with sadness because i was not able to find that joy i used to feel before. I wondered why.. But then the small walk ended abruptly as i reached my destination and paid the bill. Walked back home. While i was walking through the lane.. i saw Rafael, this elderly person who does petty works in our residence association walk towards me.. My eyes met his and he asked me why i looked so upset and serious!
I was in total shock.. i mean, was it so visible? Does my temperament reflect so well and make profound impacts on my face? I was embarrassed. I smiled to him and said nothing and nodded my head to show him i'm completely alright. He smiled and walked past me. I was wondering how people could read your face so well.. I started walking again. It is so hot in trivandrum i thought. I went to the house opposite mine to give back the umbrella, but they seemed to have closed all the doors. I assumed that they must have slept so got back to my home. This small walk, i thought!
