New year... ?!!

Ahh.. 11.25 pm, in a few minutes its new year... 2010.. whats so new about new year ? Years back it meant something... now why do i feel this way.... Am i 80 years old or something... 'everyday is just the same day for me' kinda feeling..... Happy to have talked to sandeepettan... loved it when he screamed chekka and greeted me... ! Can't digest when he talks with a heavy British accent though...! Wish we could meet again and spent some quality time.. 

What are my new year plans? Nothing special... i'd just love to shut from the system and go for a peaceful sleep... no music, no party, no tv - not at all! , no friends , no family ! 

Or i wish i was alone and camping on top of a mountain looking across a beautiful city .. just like Alexander Supertramp.. . and see the city welcoming  the new dawn.. that would have been beautiful... 

Watched Avatar with family, didn't find it so good ! It was visually aesthetic ! Thats all i could feel !

The most amazing thing that happened today was holding Vrinda's baby... it was a wonderful feeling... such a tiny being.. what i liked about him was his inquisitiveness like expression... keeping quite... watching things... listening to a language alien to him and nodding his head as if he could understand... Couldn't take my eyes off him.. didn't want to !

When does Athena want a baby ? At the age of 19..... 

When did i want a baby? At the age of 17... :) lol..  just 2 yrs earlier than Athena....! But i haven't met my cahit yet ! 

Feeling too too sleepy.. because i saw 4 am today after many years... was at arunchettan's home, ernakulam! And its such a nice feeling when you get to know that people have an idea about your tastes.. ! I was so happy to see the  'Arundhati  made'  puttu and kadala on the table along with a glass of kattan chaaya  when i reached their home on 30th morning.... 

And today valyamma wakes up at 4 am to make puttu !!! And i had puttu and pazham at 4 30.... amazing feeling ! The rest of the day i had no rest...!! So, totally tired... wanna sleep but we've got to cut the chocolate cake that we bought from ambrosia.... after that.... just SHUT DOWN ! :) Go to a deeeep sleeeep !

I wish i find something new in this so called new year ! i dont wanna make any unnecessary resolutions or decisions of doing something , being somebody better or so ! That would be a big joke !! Especially when i'm on the other end of the decision making thread ! lol..... 

Happy new year to all those who are looking forward to a beautiful beginning.... :)  

Seven pounds and death !

Writing about death does not seem to be a good idea to me at 1.49 am !

But watching Seven pounds ( I watched half of it a week ago and didnt continue watching it coz i dont know , didnt feel like it... ) So i made it a point to finish watching it today!  Its our management fest LUMINANCE tomorrow.. Participating colleges have come in... a lot of colleges.. a lot of students...

Everyone's asleep and ready to wake up at 3.30 to get ready for the next days program! WTF.. i can't even imagine! Im such a laidback person... i wouldn't wanna wake up at 3.3o in the morning and get ready for the programs...! I wouldn't do something which i really dont believe in !

Yeah, anyways, talking about death ...

i dont know how to judge the movie 'seven pounds' 

I dont have the  sense to judge right now! But i believe i ended up thinking somethings about death... I was wondering, first of all.. the reason why i never get past the two pages of Albert Camus' A HAPPY  DEATH ! i never can ! And i dont think i ever will ! I started trying to read it since i was a kid ( yeah thats a bit too much early to read camus, coz i dont even understand it now ). Somehow i was attracted to the book and tried to read it everytime... and ended up successfully failing ( which is my forte !! ) 

Watching seven pounds i was wondering what death is all about... the mystery of death is irritating.... But its said that once you get the meaning of death... the spirit of living is lost !

I dont know! Im in the mid - neither do i believe it nor do i not believe it ! 

Death is so inevitable... So is life..! If we could escape death , why can't we escape life?

Why do we have to live... go through a lot of experiences.. just to venture into something which we really don't know at all ! Then whats the point in living? eee... disgusting thoughts....! 

The scenes gave me no meaning... but  i like the idea of making love when its raining outside...

kissing while you are crying and when tears are rolling down your cheeks....

I like the idea of half burnt candles.. still struggling to burn.. in the midst of beautiful raindrops... 

Life's a sweet pain.. Just like Love is ! 

And death sums it all up ! I really dont like the idea of death.... but like the "what if" game in the movie... if we knew how much less time we had... we would do more things beautiful in life...

we would smile more.. love more... help more... listen more... And do whatever we enjoy doing the most.... Well, thats what i think.... it could differ !

Writing about death does not seem to be a good idea to me at 2.14 am either... So i am stopping here.... 

But let the words i typed in between be like the unseen eeriness surrounding DEATH !

Catastrophe !

What happens when, while wandering around you have lots of thoughts in your mind which you would like to scribble when you sign into your blog , but when you actually sign in, you realise that there is nothing to write ! Its a goddamn catastrophe as far as im concerned !
I've been at home for a while now..and many a times wanted to write something... but held up because of laziness.. and rajeev commented " ninde madi njangade bhagyam ! " As they wont have to read my blogs! lol !
I joined twitter and found it troublesome! Didnt like it much... i searched for tharoor and ended up following his two sons Kanishk Tharoor and Ishaan Tharoor , both journalists...
I really dont understand the politics that they talk about ! I dont know whats going on around the world.. and somehow, to my own surprise.. im least bothered....! Thats so bad of me....!
A future manager with zero knowledge?!! Achan gives lots of lectures at home regarding how much i should increase the vastness of my very little and limited knowledge about the world... well, he's true, but i dont find that push to know things... i only wanna know what i wanna know... not what all i need to know.. its pretty bad i guess... selective reading, knowing and understanding of things... Achan signed up in twitter and is happily married to it now.... tweets are like his own kids ! lol.... Today before writing this post, i changed my blog name again to mannequine... i dont know why in the first place i changed it to a very stupid blogname... nice to get back on mannequine ! At noon i text messaged Jayanth Abraham that i didnt have swine flu , and that he could come to my home now with the dvds that i gave him to burn some movies for me! I was a bit sarcastic in the message that i sent him.. because i'd given him the dvds a long time back and yet he hadn't burned the movies for me, and the day i told him dat i doubt having swine flu, he just vanished into thin air.. and never came home.. haha ! So in the evening the doorbell rings and there he was ! with a dvd..! He said a lot of stuff, i made fun of him for being fearful which he denied... Anyways lots of movies and books pending....

IFFK 09 starts from dec 11th and lasts on dec 18th ! Will miss sitting in the ice cold inside of theaters and breathing movies...... sadly i wont be able to take anymore leaves from DC!

Thoovanathumbikal !

I buy the magazine vanitha whenever i can.. although i feel that 90 % of the content is mundane.. and repetetions, im kinda interested to know some of the internal affairs of celebrities.. not all .. but some of the people whom i really adore .. may be.. madhavikutty or shobhana or Arundhathi Roy.. Vanitha makes it a point to interview some influential personalities..!

Sometimes they have nothing at all! Then i just turn the glossy pages over like a maniac looking at some brilliant colours on display! Sometimes i try to decide which colour saree i should choose for my wedding day.. and finally i go to my mom and gives the book with a pleasent smile coz i didnt find anything in it other than colours.. and mom doesnt mind! She's not lookin out for some knowledge in celebrity life!

So.. this months edition of vanitha has an interview of one Mr. Unni menon , close friend of Padmarajan.. I was really interested in reading it coz its been not so long since i've watched Thoovanathumbikal.. and i found the movie really nice! So, I start reading.. and i come to know that the protagonist jayakrishnan played by mohanlal is actually based on
Unni menon...and the poor thing Ashokan was padmarajan himself...
Mr.Menon said, that when padmarajan first came to thrissur he didnt even know how to smoke.. he would drink a little and would vomit the whole stuff a minute later.. Ashokan played it quite well i suppose...

Padmarajan wrote beautiful words to Radha his lover then ...
" Appol ende omane.. ithaanende veedu..Ne varunno?
namukkavide padinjaare vazhiyude iruvashangalilumaayi oraal pokathil vetti nirthiya aralichedikalude naduvil nilaavu veezhumbol chennirikaam..." Sounds nice... i wonder why no one wrote letters to me like this.. i would fall for him then and there ! Such eloquentness... and in malayalam... it would seem so serious and sweet !

Clara never existed, says Unni menon.. he says that neither did he nor anyone in their group knew such a character ..
"Evideyo ninnu vannu engotto poya clara? Epozhum mazhayodopam maatram vannaval.. braanthande changalayile vrinanamaavaan mohichaval... "

And im thinking... "Braanthande changalayile vrinamavan maatramulla vattenikundo daivame..? hmmm.. illa... !! Enthaayalum vrinamavan enikk patilla...! " As Rejeesh says and the rest of the gang approves... njan oru neat vijayan alle....! "Venemenkil braanthande changala aavaam... not vrinam...!" lol...... Anyways i enjoyed reading the article.. there were two photographs of padmarajan... Beautiful eyes he had! Or was that a beautiful gaze...i dont know! They looked quite insightful... but sad that they're resting with a lot of impending ideas.....
Thoovanathumbikal ... umm.... what does it mean?!

Fassbinder....

Dad always talks about him and his movies..
Rainer Werner Maria Fassbinder, A german movie director...
I've known him and his movies only through dads words... The climax scene of 'The marriage of Maria Braun' flashes across in my mind when dad narrates it...
I don't think i've watched his movies... But would like to!

Milan Kundera

" There are things that can be accomplished only by violence..

Physical love is unthinkable without violence"

Strong? Not me!

Evening :
The word is strong.. and i dont know what people mean when they say "Be strong" Anyways today i cried after a long time.. i realised 'strong' is quite not the word for me... infact i realised im not at all strong....
I can pretend to be so, but im not ! And for the first time today, i didnt feel bad for being this sensitive and not so strong... im taking it in ! Im sensitive and im not strong ! So what... So nothing... just a few tears would roll down my cheeks...and i'd wipe it off.. thats all ! I call Vrinda and she says she'll give a call back.. she calls me up and listens to me and tries to make peace within my fluttered mind... we talk for about an hour and a half... I felt relieved.. and then we started talking about madhavikutty like two crazy fans... we talked so much about her... it was sad ! We both couldnt digest the fact that she is no more.. We were'nt here in trivandrum when her body was brought to the Palayam Juma Masjid.. Vrinda at kayamkulam, me at ernakulam.. she said "namukk bhagyamilleda! Atleast to see her from faraway " Talkin about madhavikutty, we then moved onto her books.. then other books... other writers... I was feelin much better... she asked me to have food properly and called me a shavam(her way of scolding me), coz i dont eat and put on weight !

Morning :
Morning was quite good..I saw 5 o clock after years i guess!
Went for a walk at kanakakunu with salini... the best part i liked was watching a bunch of elderly people with white Tshirts sayin 'Walkers club, Trivandrum' written on it...They were walkin like they have to soon reach that place or else they'll miss the best of things! They seemed so happy and cracked jokes among themselves laughing like there was no tomorrow! Felt good seeing them... I stood at the small enclosure made of stones where i always go and watched the open stage.. nishagandhi..
It has become an obsession now... just the stage !

Night :
A few minutes back i was talkin to philip through text messages.. and he said it was his Bday today ! There werent any Bday updates today when i opened my profile... he said he hadnt enabled it..! I shouted at him.. and wished him Bday ! I dont remember my frnds Bdays much... all my frnds know dat quite well.. ! Infact for Vrinda's Bday she called me up and said "Eda, ende Bday aanu..." and i could listen to her smiling on the other side ! I was like.. "Oh ! im sorry sweetheart !! As always... i missed dis one too..!"
But she was calm.. she said she knew that her best frnd would forget and so she has to remind her! She laughed and said thats what best frnds are for... "See, i know u quite well!" She said! I felt sorry....
But, i think i can't help forgetting frnds Bdays, apologising later and then wishing them! Its in my blood i guess... And its really bad... i feel awful everytime i miss their bdays !

Now : Time to wind up...

Books, thoughts, words...

Was at DC Books yesterday... books, books, books all around...
I was wondering.. If i was in a prison, sentenced to a lifetime imprisonment... and had nothing else to do other than.. some gardening, some washing , some article making or whatever... I could probably spend my time reading... i mean it should be less of work... and more of reading... lol !
I did tell my idea to salini.. and she burst into laughter !!

I looked around.. People who had money bought books they liked.. and people who didnt have any money, like me, stood there and read books partially plotting ways to make a lot of money so dat they can buy and read those books in the future..!
Asked for 'The Catcher in the Rye' but it wasn't available.. They said it'll be available after 3 days or so.. One gentleman still thought the book is somewhere there and checked and found one! But that was the readers guide to 'The Catcher in the Rye' ... we smiled.... Both of us went through certain books.... I took Ayn rands 'Atlas shrugged' and just turned the pages.... oooh quite a lot to read ! "stopping the motor of the world" by withdrawing the "minds" ( not a good time to start - I thought ! )
We left the place after salini buyin some study materials...

The Catcher in the Rye !

Midnight.. 9th june .. as usual i get no sleep.. i wonder why on earth i get to lie awake with my eyes wide open and the lids blinkin 100 times per second while everyone else at home is fast asleep... more thoughts less sleep... ! lol
Well.. i somehow pass my time contemplating absolutely nothing ! At about 3.30 am dads blackberry cries! A set alarm ! He wakes up and im relieved.. Its always like this for insomniacs i guess... when somebody wakes up they feel good about it ! lol.. So i get up too... Dad is startled to see me awake...
I ask him whether shall i make tea for him.. he has this trip to IIIT, Allahabad to give a talk... the flights at 6 or something... he says okei... and i make tea... we didnt call the rest of the members of the madhouse... coz they were oh...so tired..and sleeping ! Dad said no need to call anyone... and i agreed... coz there actually was no need! These trips happened every other day ! So the car comes from CDAC to pick him up, he says goodbye and goes... i lock the door.. and puts on the TV... ! ( That was obvious )
Some movie going on.. i still haven't found out its name... i was about to change but... the words struck me! Oh well.. starmovies have subtitles even though its not required.. but i love them showing the subtitles! U can mostly catch the dialogues word by word.. The dialogues in the movie seemed very deep... and crazy... The protagonist seemed to be like me... always having thoughts in his mind.... i got interested ! I didnt change the channel... And later on, i realised that the movie was about John lennon's murder by his own fan... Mark David Chapman.. and since i liked John lennon and his songs and morever his love for yoko ono.. i stuck to the movie , not changing it!
Sometime later the book in the hands of the protagonist catches my attention... The catcher in the Rye.. The protagonist is obsessed with the child hero of the book... Holden.... He thinks he's holden.. he's got to do something big in this world before he dies... He kills john lennon finally as he set his mind to ! Bcoz he felt "I was nobody until I killed the biggest somebody on earth"
They showed that the lines from the book resonates in the protagonists mind all the time... It made me delusional... i got crazy...! The nuts and bolts loosening up a bit... more due to no sleep and some due to those magical words... i was like in a transcendental state ! I decided to find out whether such a book really exists so dat i can read it and go mad !! what a desire! lol.. I slept at 7 in the morning on 10th... woke up at 10 am.. coz we had decided to watch a movie at 11... went with sis, chindu and frnds... watched the movie.. spent a beautiful day with frnds at museum and nishagandhi.... told about the movie and how i got carried away by the words to rejeesh... we were all lying on the open stage... the blue sky was a beautiful view... After comin back home i searched.. and there it is... The Catcher in the Rye... A 1951 novel by J.D.Salinger.... (based on a mishearing of Robert Burns' Comin' Through the Rye)
Right now i must be totally nuts not to sleep and write about 'The catcher in the rye' at 1 am on 13th june! Well... i told rejeesh about the book...yesterday he asked me to go to DC books, that i might find the book there...
I have to go ! And get the book ! I've never found this urge to read a book so badly............!

Holden: "You know that song, 'If a body catch a body comin' through the rye'?..."Phoebe: "It's 'If a body meet a body coming through the rye'!... It's a poem by Robert Burns."